GORDANA KARAKASHEVSKA

 

House Of Paper

 

Before I was made

with black lashes,

bright eyes and red lips,

before I saw myself in the mirror,

I searched for your face and did not recognize you,

my blood remained cold,

and my heart did not tremble.

My impotent husband is a kleptomaniac,

and his voice is my shell.

I say that I do not want to return

and I pack the unbearable stench

of spilled milk and I know what the lie is for.

I should sit aside and comb my hair.

I should be born again.

I should walk on high heels…

Once I was young,

now I carry youth with me wherever I go.

The milk overflows in the kitchen,

the cat sniffs the smell of burning,

and while you speak nervously

I imagine crushing your head

and your warm blood flooding my house of paper.

Can the cat smell that as well,

just as it surely smelled my fear

and your bad thoughts?

If I had given birth to a daughter,

would she have been like me —

the same?

 

The Game Of Shadows

 

There is another me,

her name is the same as mine, Ana,

only in the morning

when she wakes her eyes are darker

like my mother’s,

and she speaks to my husband while lying

on my pillow with that cheerful,

playful voice of hers.

She kisses my daughter on the forehead,

wishing her good morning,

and successfully hides from me

everything that escapes and falls away into the past.

There is, I tell you, another me,

she has the same last name as mine — Karakash —

she reads my books, and imagine!

When we are alone she reproaches me

with a voice that is entirely mine

and manages to make me cry. Every time.

I painted, I lived in Turin, but she brought me back.

“You are young, life is ahead of you,” she said.

I close myself off, yet she finds me at night to tell me

how much I have not done.

“You agreed to everything in this life,” she says.

“You accepted everything!”

“I would not!” — she screams in my face.

“I would rather die!” — she whispers in my ear.

Everyone I know loves her more, Ana Karakash.

She is kind to shopkeepers,

works in a library, and gives smiles to everyone.

She hugs my husband and my daughter,

who do not actually exist,

we invented them,

and she tells me: Jump!

 

GORDANA KARAKASHEVSKA

 

GORDANA KARAKASHEVSKA: She is a poet, essayist, writer, artist, photographer. She was born on January 31, 1973 in Pehchevo, Macedonia. She attends primary school in Pehchevo and high school in Skopje in EPU Boris Kiddrich. Since then, she has lived, worked and created in Skopje with the exception of a few years of her life when she lived and worked in Turin, Italy and they will leave a deep mark on her as a creative person and artist. She deals with art and in her free time with photography. She has been writing since she was thirteen years old, when she actively participated in regional competitions in art and literary works. For her, writing is a way of life and art is a universal language. She writes poems and short stories, both in Macedonian. Italian, Serbian and in English. Her poems have been translated into other languages and published in domestic and international online groups, magazines as well as anthologies. She has published the following books: Poetry: "A Broken Poet and Other Poems" (2021), "House of Paper" (2022), “The way of the water” (2024). Prose: "Signor Giordano and Reflections on Doubts, Dilemmas, and Questions and Some Other Small Grains" (stories, 2021), "Undressing in the Year of the Goat" (novel, 2021). She is currently working on her second novel with the working title "The City, the River and the Lake" and hopes that she will be able to publish her books of poetry and short stories next year. She has had several joint and several solo art exhibitions in Turin, Italy and in her hometown. In her free time, she is engaged in photography, visiting exhibitions in galleries, museums and other cultural events, theater, cinema, opera and ballet, in a word she lives for art and art in all its forms. She is a participant in the International Literary Festival, World literature academy Encyclopedia of writers and poets from the whole world 2021 and is represented in the anthology World encyclopedia poets and writers with three short stories. Her poetry has been published in the multilingual international literary magazine for poetry and prose from around the world "ARCHER" (ARCHER) in the April-May 2021 edition of the Association of World Writers (AWW) which is published. On June 6, 2021, he participated in the TEERANDAZ INTERNATIONAL FESTIVAL OF POETRY - an international poetry festival organized by TEERENDAZ, a multilingual literary magazine that hosts Macedonian poets. - On May 15, 2021, the online magazine Academy of the heart and mind published her picture Liguria and her poem Spring. - She is the winner of the first prize at the competition of NIU "MIIC" D.O.O Pancevo, written on the occasion of International Women's Day, March 8, 2021, with two paintings, a painting on canvas, "Where are we going" and "Pregnant Woman". - She had several joint and several solo art exhibitions in Turin, Italy, one solo exhibition in Skopje and one solo exhibition in her hometown. - From March 24 to 27, 2013, she had her first exhibition of black and white photographs at the MKC. With prose and poetry, she is represented in the magazine "Contemporary", in the literary supplements Lik and Kolibri of the daily newspaper "Nova Macedonia", as well as in many electronic editions. From September 30 to October 2, 2022, she participated in the International Poetry Festival in Saranda, Albania. She is a participant in the jubilee edition of 60 years of Racino meetings in Veles, North Macedonia in June 2023. Guest at the 13th International Poetry Festival Poetic Syntheses 2024 Bitila, North Macedonia. Guest at the 61st Racino meetings, Veles, June 2024. She is the winner of the GALAXY International Award for unpublished poetry for 2021 - "Premio Internazionale per la Galaxia della poesia inedita" 2021 (secione una poesia in lingua Spagnola - menzione d'onore per Gordana Karakashevska -"Domani") honorary award for the song "Tomorrow " in Chile on May 29, 2021. - She is the winner of the Recognition for winning the third prize for the short story "Debutante" at the award contest for a short story announced on the occasion of World Book Day November 2022 by the House of Culture "Ilinden" Demir Hisar.- She is the winner of the Commendation Award for the short story "For Health and Joy" at the third literary competition for a short story "Telling a Photo 2022" of the Fund of the Holocaust of the Jews of Macedonia.- She is the winner of the Poetry Contest of the third edition of the Poetry Race 2023 with the poem "My race".- At the first competition for best unpublished literary work, announced by the Department of Creative Writing at the American University College Skopje in cooperation with the publishing house Ars Lamina, (September 2024) the jury committee unanimously decided second prize to Gordana Karakashevska for the poetry selection “Brshlen”. Some of her poetry has been translated into English, Italian, Croatian, Serbian, Bulgarian, Albanian, Spanish, and Indian languages and has been published in print and online anthologies.