Who Am I?
Every year, I
ask myself the same question: have I had what I never had, or have I lived a
lie? What remains uncertain and unfinished, and could be endless, is whether I
became who I wanted to be, or if it was that transition of uncertainty that
helped me transform into someone I no longer recognize.
Looking at the
world, I don't see myself reflected in it because I can't understand why
civilization hasn't learned to analyze its daily actions and is always
complaining about what it claims to be an infallible change in a world they
themselves know is incomplete, yet there's no will for a genuine process of
change that would truly satisfy people.
I questioned
whether I deserve to continue dwelling in the decay of a society devoid of
humanity, one that seeks only its own survival and to gratify its prestigious
lineage because its lineage is deteriorating to the point of being unable to
achieve the empowerment necessary to build a legacy. Yes, one lives in
appearances, so as not to lose the sense of belonging to a society that is not
one's own.
I only know, and
have always known, that I am not of this world, and when I close my eyes, I fly
to a new civilization that can positively stimulate the thoughts that confirm,
that certify the truth that I remain the same as the one who was born, not a humanoid
prototype assembled to manipulate human species that do not possess the reality
of who I am.
Since I came
into being, yes, I've had unexpected setbacks, yes, I've had to endure all that
is evil, but in that development of my presence in body and mind, I've been
able to conclude that I was wrong to have been born where I was meant to be,
and it confirms that everything I've seen confuses me, leaving me with the
awareness that I never became what I could have made of myself.
Certainly, it
could be that I return to what I never had, and that my existence ceases to
celebrate something that truly confirms that there is no guarantee of
protection for my natural self as an individual trying to thrive in a world
where species aren't at an optimal mental level, leading me to deduce a fantasy
of a humanity I dislike, nor does it provide me with the certainty that I was
wrong.
Yes, I'm caught
in a whirlwind of experiences, of memories I continue to cherish, and when the
right moment comes, I will feel profound satisfaction in my soul and
conscience, receiving the news of triumphing over impunity, over misfortune,
and over the shame of having lived where I never felt proud.
©®JLL
JOSÉ LUIS LÓPEZ
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