JOSÉ LUIS LÓPEZ

 

 

An Ugly Creature

 

It's been a long time since I realized

 

that things hadn't turned out as I wished,

that I never managed to do what I dreamed of,

that I saw what made me fall in love,

that there was something I always longed for,

however, it didn't happen as I expected,

nor did I ever achieve my goal,

it was such a false reflection of myself,

that I only see an aggravation.

 

There are people who see me as very good,

there are friends who flatter you for who you are,

and you see yourself as a rotten garbage dump,

consumed by gall, bitterness, and with battered ideas.

Haven't I thought about suicide?

Several times I wanted to, so I wouldn't have to see that

scoundrel, that nuisance, that bastard.

Haven't I looked at myself with contempt?

Countless times, I wished I hadn't breathed at birth.

How do I see myself now?

Honestly, a nobody.

 

Tolerating so much infamy, slander, oppression,

humiliation, disrespect, irresponsibility,

with the madness of running away and never returning.

 

A monstrosity.

 

I've felt very much like that,

Not being a puppet of vain people,

Not being an object with the stench of decay,

Not knowing that cancer of curses,

Nor the indifference, the mistreatment I've seen and felt.

A monstrosity.

 

Yes. Not being the ridiculous mirage of someone

with a flawed appearance.

 

Superfluous Beauty

 

You told me you'd charm me

 

That all my wishes would come true

 

That I'd be a wonderful daddy

That many people would adore me

That I could dream of anything I wanted

 

What do I see in that mirror?

 

It was a foolish illusion

It was a betrayal of my prestige

It was a mockery of society's jealousy

It was a vain image of a vagabond

 

Why did I think I trusted your beauty?

 

I thought you'd give me an infallible presence

I thought I'd be at the pinnacle of success

I thought I'd be the most conquered jewel

I thought you'd provide an enviable attire

 

Why am I now someone I never was?

I know I'm not what I said I was.

I know my presence is disgusting.

I know people never wanted to see me.

I know I create an undesirable reputation.

I know I was a burden to society.

How can I be changed?

 

That mirror reflects the person

Who never had their own identity

And was shaped by the world's personal whims.

 

It's not about how people see you,

What they don't like about your presence,

Or what you'll do to please them.

That mirror was the mentor that pushes you

To awaken to your true self.

 

 

JOSÉ LUIS LÓPEZ