SELMA KOPIĆ

 

Are You Happy At All

 

Where are you now

to see how strong I am,

how much confidence do I have?

Where are you now to see

what my love for you has done to me?

I loved you twice.

Once, in my youth, as an insecure

and scared girl.

And you were young and in a hurry

to snatch as much of your life as possible.

There was no patience in you to lead me.

There was no courage in me to follow you.

The second time it was in adulthood.

Unlived years,

a soul full of scars and unfulfilled dreams

and your readiness to make them come true,

one by one.

But then again,

that damn lack of self-confidence of mine,

and your insecurity about

whether I'm really the one

because of which

you would break with your previous life

and start all over again.

Back then, I had no patience,

and you ran out of courage.

And there are no more us.

Love is one painful memory and a heavy sigh

because of what could have been

and will never happen.

Success, money, houses, cars ... you have it all.

Are you happy at all?

Now, I’m a completely different person,

now I would know what and how.

I wish you could see it with some magical eye.

I would like you to be proud of the woman

whose love for you and the love you gave her,

made her strong.

Only, I wish I knew what I did wrong.

If you could just break the silence,

it wouldn't matter to me

that age creeps into my bones.

My heart will always be full of love,

from my verses it jumps out in waterfalls.

Oh, longing of my heart with eyes full of sorrow,

do you hear my call?

Now,

when the leaves fall at the end of our lives,

are you happy at all?

 

Jesi li sretan imalo

 

Gdje si sada da vidiš

koliko sam jaka,

koliko samouvjerena sam postala?

Gdje si sada da vidiš

šta mi je moja ljubav prema tebi učinila?

Voljela sam te dva puta.

Jednom, u mladosti, kao nesigurna

i uplašena djevojka.

I ti si bio mlad i žurio si da ugrabiš

što više od života.

U tebi nije bilo strpljenja da me vodiš.

U meni nije bilo hrabrosti da te slijedim.

Drugi put je to bilo u zreloj dobi.

Neiživljene godine,

duša puna ožiljaka i neostvarenih snova

i tvoja spremnost da ih sve ostvariš,

jedan po jedan.

Ali opet,

taj moj prokleti nedostatak samopouzdanja,

i tvoja nesigurnost u to da li sam ja zaista ta

zbog koje prekinuo bi svoj prethodni život

i počeo ispočetka.

Tada ja nisam imala strpljenja,

a tebi je ponestalo hrabrosti.

I nema više nas.

Ljubav je jedno bolno sjećanje

i težak uzdah

zbog onoga što je moglo biti

a nikada se neće ostvariti.

Uspjeh, novac, kuće, automobile ...

imaš sve.

Jesi li sretan imalo?

Sad sam potpuno druga osoba,

sada bih znala šta i kako.

Voljela bih da to vidiš

nekim čarobnim okom.

Voljela bih kad bi mogao

biti ponosan na ženu

koju je ljubav prema tebi

i ljubav koju si joj dao,

učinila snažnom.

Samo, voljela bih da znam

u čemu je bila moja greška.

Kad bi ti samo nakratko htio prekinuti tišinu,

bilo bi svejedno što starost mi se u kosti uvlači.

Moje srce će uvijek biti puno ljubavi,

iz mojih stihova ona u slapovima iskače.

Oh, čežnjo moga srca s očima punim sjete,

čuješ li moj zov?

Sada kad lišće opada

na kraju naših života,

jesi li sretan imalo?

 

How Naive And Childish It Was

 

I thought you would be my savior

when you came into my life

as a confident and powerful knight.

I thought so and,

with you,

briefly felt safe and calm.

 

I hoped you would be my protector

when you entered my life

as a blindly in love prince.

I hoped so

and briefly felt that,

with your love,

no one could hurt me.

 

I believed you would be my advisor,

when you came into my life

as an experienced sage

I believed so

and briefly felt that,

with you,

my life was moving in the right direction

towards fulfillment and peace of mind.

 

I thought, hoped and believed that,

with you,

my wise, strong and infinitely in love man,

I would be able to come out

of my cocooned shelter.

 

I thought, I hoped and I believed and,

with you,

my hardworking, gentle and caring man,

I briefly felt infinite happiness.

 

How naive and childish it was!

 

I know that only now

when the gates of the walls

I am building around me

have been torn down and unprotected,

when all my hopes and dreams

have been broken,

when there is no more open path

from you to me.

 

Still,

every day in the distance

I seek the silhouette

of a lone rider who knows the way,

breaks down all obstacles

and comes back to me.

 

 

Kako naivno i djetinjasto to bješe

 

Mislila sam da ti bit ćeš spasilac moj

kad došao si u moj život

kao samouvjereni i moćni vitez.

Pomislih to i,

nakratko, osjetih sigurnost i smirenost.

 

Nadala sam se da ti ćeš biti zaštitnik moj

kad ušao si u moj život

kao slijepo zaljubljen princ.

Ponadah se tako i,

nakratko, osjetih da me,

uz tvoju ljubav,

niko povrijediti ne može.

 

Vjerovala sam da ti ćeš biti savjetnik moj

kad ušao si u moj život

kao iskusni mudrac.

Povjerovah u to i,

nakratko, osjetih

da je uz tebe moj život

krenuo u pravom smjeru,

ka ispunjenosti i duševnom miru.

 

Mislila sam, nadala se i vjerovala da ću,

uz tebe,

mog mudrog, jakog i beskrajno zaljubljenog čovjeka,

moći izaći iz svog učahurenog skloništa.

 

Pomislih, ponadah se i povjerovah i,

s tobom,

moj vrijedni, nježni i brižni čovječe,

nakratko osjetih beskrajnu sreću.

 

Kako naivno i djetinjasto to bješe!

 

To znam tek sada

kada su razvaljene i nezaštićene kapije

zidova koje oko sebe gradim,

kada su razrušene sve moje nade i snovi,

a nema više otvorenog puta

od tebe do mene.

 

Ipak, svakoga dana u daljini tražim

siluetu jednog usamljenog jahača

koji zna put,

ruši sve prepreke

i meni se vraća.

 

Find Poetry In My Body

 

Look at me!

My stomach is looking for

what my heart desires.

I eat, I eat,

and I never lose weight.

So what!

There is more for worship me!

I'm to you for some other time!

I don’t know if I like that.

In desperate times

we do desperate things.

Here, curled tail,

I invite you to a date

dressed as a jerk.

Find poetry in my body.

Damn books!

Don't be so surprised.

Your mouth has been gaping

for quite some time.

 

Nađi poeziju u mom tijelu

 

Pogledaj me!

Moj stomak traži

ono što mi srce želi.

Jedem, jedem,

i nikako da smršam.

Pa šta!

Ima me više za obožavanje.

Ja sam ti za drugi put!

Ne znam sviđa li mi se to.

U očajna vremena

činimo očajne stvari.

Evo, podvijena repa,

pozivam te na spoj

odjevena kao kreten.

Nađi poeziju u mom tijelu.

Dovraga knjige!

Ne budi tako iznenađen.

Usta su ti razjapljena

prilično dugo.

 

SELMA KOPIĆ

 

SELMA KOPIĆ is a professor of Bosnian language and literature, born in 1962 in Tuzla, Bosnia and Herzegovina. She is the author of two textbooks and one workbook for primary school. She has worked and is working as a coach, reviewer, proofreader ... Her stories and poems have been awarded and entered anthologies in BiH and around the world.