Sunday, September 1, 2019




Gambling is the ruin of so many,

With loss of precious time and money,

Leading to ignorance of responsibilities

Causing innumerable problems to families.

Hating themselves, with difficulty resisting,

Hoping but doubting and despairing,

Ashamed, and trying to get out of a situation,

Full of confusion,

Driving them deeper into hiding, with debt rising

All because of initial gain and momentarily, hope rocketing.

Soon anxious and depressed. they feel stressed,

Suffer from sleeplessness;

With difficulty in problem solving,

Interest in all activities diminishing,

No appetite, feelings of helplessness,

Uselessness and hopelessness,

Or despairing,

Experiencing guilty feelings,

Tired, slow, heavy, jittery,

Feeling disgusted, morose, and angry.

Soon follow mental health problems, including depression,

Developing stress-related conditions,

Such as cardiovascular disease, hypertension,

Or peptic ulcer disease,

Bringing an end to one’s ease.

With a lack in attention, frontal lobes not functioning,

Employment rate decreasing, rate of divorce increasing,

Gamblers feel abandoned physically and emotionally.

Thinking of fraud and cheque forgery,

Being forced to sell bag and baggage in bankruptcy.

Physical and psychological abuse face the family,

The victims include children, abused physically and mentally.

Trying to recover losses with desperate urgency

Results in a feeling of intense anxiety, fear, and worry.

Self-worth and self-esteem are likely to deteriorate,

Might result in prostitution, embezzlement, and no mate,

And tendency to attempt stealing,

Or getting loans to finance ongoing gambling.

Penury gives birth to suicidal thoughts in utter frustration,

Initial satanic pleasure, ultimately resulting in complete destruction.


The betrayal gnawed me incessantly,

Forgiveness took the upper hand consequently,

Enveloping my whole being,

Praying for remission and the betrayer forgiving.

Thereby the fury of anger abated,

I lived in denial unadulterated.

Till the scorching lava of betrayal

Seared the mind with its poison lethal

The Guardian Angel with immediacy

Covered me with the spirit holy,

Spread His wings protective.

My anger replaced by momentary balm effective

I wondered at the miraculous reaction,

After so much of mental affliction,

And such a speedy dose of coolness,

Bringing about my wellness.


Physical pleasure relaxes,

It can wane but momentarily waxes,

Reading pacifies,

Music drives me distances,

Bringing more pain or reminds about the grievances,

And then again, the next dose of smooches,

Followed soon by the sprouting of the next stab of doubt

Felt in the heart, in the soul, in and out.

Does he who inflicted this pain

See the seeping wounds or gloat on his gain?

Oh, my inner turmoil and questionings!

Oh, the terrible gnawing!

My poor grieving heart, work for solution,

Temporary though it can be or an illusion.

Keep trying,

For solutions, keep on searching.

The embraces and soothing love display,

Putting doubts temporarily at bay

False, false though it can be,

Denial of truth though temporary,

Any balm of healing is what I desperately need.

For more tenderness, the body’s dire need.

Deceiving it can be, but no doubt relieving,

DENIAL of being double dealt, momentarily heartening.

Wait, wait my poor betrayed heart,

Healing will come and take away your hurt.

Why not implore for divine intervention?

Time? Deep cogitation?

It might take long, but surely

Healing will come steadily,

The Lord will bestow a heavy dose of perseverance,

To replace the daily haunting with peaceful acquiescence.


PUSHMAOTEE FOWDUR SUBRUN, born in Mauritius, pursued higher studies in Delhi University. For the past forty-five years she has been an educationist in Mauritius and Zimbabwe. She completed her PGCE at the Mauritius Institute of Education. After her retirement, she was a member of the Council of the University of Mauritius for three years. She is currently a reader and editor in the Ministry of Arts and Culture. She is the author of: ‘Ella’- a novel, ‘‘Who is Your Best Friend?’- a play. ‘Short Stories and Fables’- a compilation of stories and Fables. ‘Dreams to Reality’ (submitted to be published by the Ministry of Arts and culture). Her poems have featured in prestigious online literary magazines such as ‘Setu e zine’, ‘Poetry and Creativity’, ‘Atunis Poetry’,  ‘Recco -World Union of Poets’, Khushi Verma’s ‘Anthology of Poems and Short Stories’, ‘Destiny Poets’, ‘OPA Anthology of Poetry’, ‘Awakening’,   ‘Best Poetry’, ‘Literati Council’ of Mathura and in International Multilingual Poetry Anthology of Amaravati Poetic Prism 2018.

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