NARGIS ISMAYILOVA

 

I’ll Be Crushed As The Indifference Of A Cigarette Among Your

Fingers

 

I missed you all day today ...

I will also miss you tomorrow ... Again, again, again, again ...

Dark gray shade is born from the confusion of feelings ... It's amazing,

I can't hug ...

You fall down my heart,

You are suffocating and burning as volcanic ash My value,

Irreplaceable.

Impossible replacing you, I try, but can't. I`ll succeed, I must gain ...

Melting your absence ...

I will continue my dark grey life.

A glass of wine, a cigarette ... and books ...

You will spread on my pillow as my eye shadow, you will turn into a nightmare and empty my eyes ...

I won't be able to wipe it off, maybe the smell will come from my 13 square meter room ... My disappointment!

You will turn into shadows and watch my happiness step by step ...

You will be my most magnificent nightmare, you will hang on the walls of my room ... You will turn the wind and blow my mind every day ...

I know, again, again, again, you will wave my black curtains again, you will burn in my heart ...

I will be crushed as the indifference of a cigarette on your fingers ... I will be on fire, I know ...

Then the doors that will be slammed on my face as the sound of victory ... I will lean on the threshold of your dream, I`ll know that you are there ... Distances between us will grow up as a call, will be the world ...

I`ll beat my knee, not the door, again, again, again ... Then my fire will burn some hyacinth ...

I`ll make amazing fires in honor of the two of us ... Just like in the rituals of wiccans ...

I slammed the doors of someone as the act of a winner... I`ll remember with disgust before you, after you ...

Then the words of a song which I don't know the name will calm my soul ... I`ll be silent, again, again, again ...

I`ll forget you in the books, I will not mark the remaining chapters ... I will sob my feelings; I will be troubled by owls.

I`ll be simple ... I`ll be lonely ... I'll be iceberg.

The face of this season is autumn, the face of its absence is death ... I know that both existence and absence are death ...

You are the sound of death ... I'm afraid ...

 

I can't walk where I know, I can't walk in a world I don't know, I can't walk in a world I don't know ...

I can't love between dimensions, distance reunion is far, far from space ... Every day before a cup of coffee memorizes the name of you to my heart ... I hate, damn the devil, damn the gray rainbows ...

Your dream wanders in my brain like the rays of the sun Again, again, again, again ...

Every day you scatter from my heart with a bead of nonsense to my soul ... I can't find ...

I can't collect ...

You fall from the voids of my soul to the worlds ... lifes, hearts, women ...

You forget me so skillfully that I can't find a word, I'm drowning ... I missed you all day today ...

I will also miss you tomorrow ... Again, again, again, again ...

I know the day will pass, But a pity ...

Again, again, again, again ...

 

 

 

 

Van Goghun Sarrow Is Sadder Perhaps, But For The First Time I Saw The Waste Of The World In All Your Laughter!

 

Today I saw the Chernobyl of the oldest people in your eyes. Today, for the first time, I sobbed like old people.

I reconciled with my fate, as a toy in a baby's cradle, doomed to eternal silence. Like the noisy signs of rusted hopes deafening,

everything was unthinkable, helpless, but lifeless. Today your lips were freeze as the corpse, were dirty. I loved you, but for the first time was afraid of you.

I saw a group of red-clad angels without wings in the deserts of innocence turned into a lake of blood.

All the swans are tired, the laws chewed, I saw the sky covered with spider webs.

Today I saw surrendered the stars, the moon, and even the sun that I loved.

For the first time, for the first time, I gathered all my courage and opened my eyes wide, very wide as wide as possible.

For the first time, I was ashamed the nakedness of realities. Today all your kisses was same shape and annoying Your words was boring my heartbeat!

The sand grains was weathering my pupillary as much as possible. I saw all the flowers in the Arab Spring withered.

For the first time today, I cried with one eye for my today and past!

For the first time, I saw my shores abandoned and ships without a compass. Van Goghun Sarrow is sadder, perhaps,

but for the first time I saw the waste of the world in all your laughter!

 

your oil-smelling lies with nicotine-like irritability dragging my existence into a stupid habit ...

While my cheeks rubbed into her outstretched hands for comfort ... Today, for the first time, I saw my mother old.

 

 

Fish Swims In My Spirit ...

 

I want to live without thinking.

Gifting all the rain of thought to dry deserts, and so quietly, I want to live silently.

My thoughts disturb my silent. My heartbeats disturb me.

I hear my blood circulation.

The sound of my broken dreams.

As I realize the worthlessness of values, my soul kneels in front of the evil as the most helpless, helpless ...

I can't get up as I try to get up, my knees are bleeding with ruins of confidence. The realities nettle my soul as the example of the nettle.

I feel suffocate with rage...

No, it looks like I'm drowning ...

I do not want to raise my hands and fight.

The waters of all the oceans fill to my body from my eyes. I see everything in blue.

Fish swim in my soul. My hair is algae.

My tears are flowing ... Fish swim in my soul...

All the goldfish are helpless in front of my wishes ...

I want to tear down the last cries of the man in my soul. I want to be quiet.

My thoughts make mermaids laugh ....

Rocks are rubbed in my palms ...

There are vortices.

Waves do not push me to shore.

I annoy the waters of the ocean ...

My crossing high sea the waves of the ocean cannot bear. I'm looking for all the lost sailors, sunken ships ...

I want to lose my brain longing for the feeling of disappearance. In the Mariana trench.

I want to take refuge in the Bermuda Triangle ...

I would like to find those shafts left over from the “Titanic” and ask Chopin to listen to me. I'm crushed, I'm falling apart ...

I am going to be fragmented.

I fill the pores of the ocean stones.

Then a cloud steals my soul, I rise, I fly ...

I get algae and finally bluish again ...

I annoy the sky ...

Clouds bring me back to earth ...

 

The angels do not need even "when Caesar's right given to Caesar", fleeing from the weaknesses of humanity ...

I am thrown into the "cursed" land. Only the land understands me.

He allows me to take refuge in him. The roots of an old oak embrace me. God gifts me different colors.

I refuse. Never want those pale cynical colors. I never get permission by anyone.

I want to be free.

I don`t want to be indifferent roses,

I don't want to be a goldfish, I don't want to be a human ...

You don't like red, my dear, you know that goldfish are not gold ... You don't love people either, my dear, I know that ...

But you love violets.

Oh It seems I am turning violet slowly.

 

NARGIS ISMAYILOVA