LATOYA MCCRAY

LATOYA MCCRAY

FEELINGS OF A HEARTBREAK

Thanks for having God and my family in my life.

 

Sadness

I am in the comfort of your lies

I had seen enough

I placed my head on my pillow and realized

That I shared too many tears at

Every fight of every night

There is always a might to a break up

How did it come this far

Suffer for all

We fall apart

 

Drowning from all of your deceit

From wanting another

There is no longing to turning back now

The clock stop ticking

Within the wishing you want me back now

It is broken down buildings

A baby crying

Cloudy skies

It is my sadness

Dealing with your madness

Raining on my window panes

Nature without color

A bird that can’t sing

All hues turning into blues

Nothing but midnight skies

It is my sadness

No ambition is left

A heart that can’t be touched

Love’s drawing in your enemies

I can’t bare to think

That I continue to stare

At the past behind me

Can’t even bare to hold my head up

At the dare of a break up

For the first time

It is my sadness before me

 

Confusion

Love, bliss, and happiness I thought I had

Only saw sunny skies

But on the wrong day

I checked my watch

But he came out the wrong time

He smiles and said the right words

Turned out that he wasn’t the right man

His dark brown eyes

Turned into dark pools of deceit

Hugs and kisses led to false hope for a future

Fire and passion changed into

Untouchable sparks

No desire

 

There is nothing left

That I thought once was

I can never understand him

He’s speaking another language

Or he gives out another formula

I am always at the other end of a book

He’s on another page

We are on the same subject

But we read between the lines

By the words we speak

What it is

Is what it is not

What real love is…

Is not in you

As he completes my sentences

Mirages of our fate, slowly appeared

Our related destiny led to no correlation

Led to my self-doubt of our relations

Our relationship destroyed

As my heart was taken from me

What it is

Is what it is not

What real love is…

Is not in you

Led to confusion

 

Forgiveness

Fix the pieces of broken frames from my past

Put them all together

Of the love we had

We had forgotten

Forgetting

Letting go of the fireworks,

All the dreams as the way of constellations

I thought our future behold

Until the earth stops turning

Along the way I unveil my hurt and pain,

I found the way to fix my heart

To sustain again

 

Threw away torn love letters

From my past of the love we had

We had forgotten

I broke away free

Depression suffocating me

Underlining of all

Longing for your change of heart

Wanting you to love me again

Feelings and warnings seeping through me

Fear of loneliness

Waiting for you to show me love

I put them together

And found a reason

Dead roses, torn up pictures

Pawned rings

I realized

I am the only one with my blood

Running in my bloodstreams

Leaving my heart fulfilled

Love from within

Loneliness

Only one player in the world of solitaire

An invisible body in a group of people

In one place

Lonely in the world,

Lost of love

Losing every rhythm in my heart beat

When you decided to leave me

Happiness isn’t fruitful for me

How will I be able to grow?

Love supposed to be everlasting

Where flowers are not in my world

As I feel an everlasting deceit

As I taste

As I feel

As I see

I feel loneliness

Never known love would make me feel this bad

I rather be at the bottom

Realizing the real you

You made me feel this way

At the ending of all things

Knowing our true desires

Never matched

Within us as a union

We will never be

When knowing the true you

The means to the end is no future for us

 

While I am on an isle

Living at the bottom

Of broken dreams

Building a commitment

Hoping he would open up to a ring

Living life without his presence

I feel an everlasting deceit

As I taste

As I feel

As I see

I feel loneliness

Hatred

You want something different

Then I will show the different side of me

You listened to my words of vulnerabilities

As I lived cautiously

You seen my weaknesses

Lost in all your love

I’m smarter than what you think I am

In the midst of your lies,

Disguises of your love,

Forced and persuaded by you

You influenced your trust and security upon me

 

You had known my insecurities

Trickery was taken as your advantage

When your wants was more important than ours

You divide and conquered to control

You as a whole

Taken the benefits before me

I added up all my figures

Seen all the masks behind all your infatuation

That answered all my questions

To why you saw the different side of me

And it was too late to cover all my vulnerabilities

 

Desire

Is it too much to want a new life

Life with love in it

You don’t have to pay the price

Recite the emptiness of my goals to find my pride

Looking high up in the mountains

And down low at the meadows

He is not profound in existence

His masculinity is my muse

That man from the past already said his last words

Dreaming of a love

A man that will say new words that speak visions

Painting years of my life

That I will soon embrace

Dreaming of a new love

Is that so much to ask?

Only knowing the taint

The daunting in my faith

Wanting to believe

Sitting with my seeds

Wanting a love

To listen to me

Unconditionally

In all my intuition

In all the situations

He won’t lie to me

New situations fulfil me with honesty and trust

The perfect equation of love

 

I have the faith to love again

The power to spread rivers wide

Make mountains stand without cliffs

And warm up all my winter days

In all my situations

I create my own happiness

Where new situations fulfill me

A new love

I will find life

Anger

Will I ever prevent the dangers of despair?

In the world of lovers

Will I ever sip the nectar:

Commitment or marriage

And get away with the drink of my choice

Situation after situation

Heartbreak after heartbreak

I am the only one in the world of broken hearts

 

Will I ever stop listening to the lies?

At the end of time

We stop making associations

Days of sparrows and crows

Will I ever touch the blue skies?

I dreamt of a summer breeze and

His real love running through me

But, whirlwinds of darkness as I wake

Wishing to feel his lips

As good as the sun beams on me

Will I ever feel our woven embrace?

Damn, the only one, in the world of lovers

 

 

Selfishness

His attention towards me

Throughout the swallowing all of my pain

I can’t bare to open my heart again

Dare to let another man in

Staring at another set of eyes

Full of love again

Flashbacking myself strangling in my pain

I can’t bare to open my heart again

He wants to talk to me

I can’t bare to open my heart again

Not noticing his own

Throughout the words that he speak

Full of love or questionable lust

His words of persuasion and illusions

Unlocking all my doors

As he speak, there are no secrets

As he gives me the possibilities

Of giving me the world

As we speak, we soon have the entire universe

But I’m afraid to evolve

 

We stop talking

No words exchanged

We are in no existence

He blows up my phone

I don’t know if I am ready to evolve

A phone call my lead to a lifetime

In reality, in my mind

It may lead to destruction

Broken into pieces

I know this can never ever be me again

Interruptions from my past

From the lies

Is he that same guy?

 

Running away from the cheaters

The liars

The users

I picked up the phone

Is he that same guy that would call back?

He wants to kiss me

Today

He wants to be with me

Tomorrow

He wants to marry me

 

Happiness

As I go

I talk about my little woes

It doesn’t matter to me

I smile through the breeze

No matter where the wind blows

I walk in places of meadows

Swaying my hair

I don’t care

In the wind, I live in a world of the happy

Happiness doesn’t come a mile away

I say what my grandma used to say:

That joy comes in the morning

I say that happiness comes a mile a minute

Way back, I see my smile in her

Thanks to her, I’d seen my mother’s passion

 

As I walk

I see nothing wrong

It doesn’t matter to me

How hard the concrete is

How the rivers dry

I spread my arms under sun anyway

Where there is no answer

To the “why’s” and the “what’s?”

I know everything is okay

To whether or not

I am not lying to you

I know that I am joyful

LOVING A RAPPER

He raps real stories

Anthems

He raps life

I feel his rhythm through me

I know him twice through his words

Loving him like roses

Through concrete

Many days of stacks

12 gold cufflinks

He gave me days of even more

Kindness and respect

Of many days I retrospect

And reminisce every Monday

Every Tuesday I am left with big mansions

Couture dresses

Full closets

And all its finesse

He raps real stories

Anthems

He raps reality

Dividing lust among morals

Yearning for him in longer days

I feel his love running through me

I know his words are about me

Of many days of diamonds

12 chains and rings

He remind me of all the envy

When he is in his studio to the stage

Some of the lyrics are about me

About me, living his life with me

Rhyming lines

He quick wit' it

Lyric by lyric of every sample

I adore all

All of his heart

By the dawn to the darkness of night

When he is on the road

I miss his kisses at the moonlight

He has a hard shell to compete

He make his word well known that move the streets

Yearning for his embrace

Looking for his suave ways to warm up my world

Oh, how I just love the days that he comes home

I tear down his hard shell in this moment

My love is worth many

As many as three Lamborghinis

He is standing tall like he's above the world

Shoulders out, rocking to the music

His arms spread over the audience

Is all what I love

His music

I was there at his sold out concerts

Album parties

I was there

Being there is worth it

All the intuition that we will be there for each other forever

Everyone knew it

All the whether or not's you will be here

Upon our fights

Our fighting seem so small

Whereas our love progresses everyday

Being there is worth it

To wait for you in the limousines and in sold out concerts

Album after every album

Album party after album party

I don't know what is like being without him

Out of the whim

 Being alone

Is a long way to go

I love everything about him

Don't be fooled

I am in love

I know that I will never be alone

We never run out of rendezvous

It is such as good as your sold out albums

I can't never let go of your undeniable infatuation

Your feelings to mine intertwine

As the beading of diamond necklaces

One for tomorrow, today, and for the future

Next to his crucifix

He is the man of my life

It is not like the Benjamins

From where we spending

I never let go

Love all around me

Surrounding me

No way around this kind of love

All around me forever

STAY

Can't you be here for one more night

We were together for so many nights

This night is special

Be here is worth it

I look into your brown eyes

All night

Can you stay?

Do you think about me?

On the days you are not free

Our days apart

Make things more special

That's why tonight is right

In spite of our misunderstandings

Our magnitude of love is endless

We depend on us to get better

To be greater

The two of us are inseparable

Our bodies are intertwined

We never want to let go

I know you gotta go

But please stay

For one more night

Tomorrow will be different

Do you still think about me?

On the days that we are apart

Tomorrow I will have on your mind

You would want to do things

Wrap your arms around me

Without to think we should be apart

I don't want to let go

I know you have to go

But please stay

Do you think about me

During your lonely nights?

What can I do to get rid of all the lonely nights?

I come over to stay with you

You say to stay for just one more night

I promise I make the nights so special

I have to go

Time is precious

You don't want to let me go

Your feelings come out

They are hard to bare

Once I put my clothes on

You say please stay for another night

But I have to go

So I left you for a lonely night

Five nights had passed

I can never get the man out of my head

As he put his arms around me the other night

The thoughts and the memories ran through my head

Wishing for another night to stay

I am to proud to beg for another night

As I waited for his call

I really wanted to stay

As I thought

He finally called

As I knew he thought about me

I answered

He asked do you want to stay with me tonight

I said yes with a bright smile

I get to stay another night

Strictly this would be one night

That will never forget

He wrapped his arms around me

He made a night that I never forget

He asked can you stay even longer for one night

I said yes

But I have to be out around nine

Tonight was better than the last

As he kisses me

And holds me

As we talked for hours

About the past

Tomorrow we will make it last

The test of time

When we make phone calls

After last night

Last night I left at nine

To go home

I thought about him looking into his brown eyes

Where I reside

I thought about him even more

As I wanted more for another night

But I have to make sure I leave at nine

I am proud to beg for more

I waited on his call

Our love lasted for one night

But phone calls came in

Where I reside

Talking made it better for us

As we talked about last night

Oh I wish I can rewind that night

As I stayed another night

LATOYA MCCRAY

LATOYA MCCRAY was born in Wilson, North Carolina on June 30,1988. Also, she graduated from E.T. Beddingfield High school in 2006. She has been writing ever since she attended Wilson Community College. Her passion came from writing short stories for the Wilson Literary Review: A Journal of Literature, Culture, and the Arts Journal. She writes street literature like no other. Twists and turns in plots, she specializes in her writing. Creating violent underworlds, she is very good at this type of writing. Not only she writes street literature, but she writes also romance. LaToya McCray depicts her future to write more standalone novels in romance every since her debut novel "He's A Fruitcake." LaToya McCray writes with so much talent in both genres that she even dream to write a mystery/thriller. She writes with talent through many poignant plots with some many interesting characters that possessed in her novels. Her characters came from thought provoking inspirations from many novels that were read throughout her life. She is a fan of Eric Jerome Dickey's mysterious novels such as "Chasing Destiny," "Waking With the Enemies," or "Dying For Revenge" are some examples. Eric Jerome Dickey had proven her ability to write more every day. LaToya McCray hopes and dreams that readers can be entertained and inspired by her writing too. She can inspire other authors as well when they write.